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About Me
multi-tasking is my middle name. fashion is my passion. Red is the color that i love. Being literate is also part of my life. plus i am a realistic person 8D!
argh....my days are just getting worst. I was SUPPOSED to go for surgery, [yes supposed to go] but it was postponed due to some techinical problems. and NOW it's cancelled. Because it shrunk. I know i am supposed to be happy that the cyst is no longer a threat, but how many weeks have i been staying home, lazing around? i think if i am not mistaken it's my third week now. =___=;;
i know most people would say skipping the trails is fun! Hell no. It's never fun to skip exams, i use to think vice versa, but now i realize how much have i missed out in my school life. I am practically neglecting my school life which i am supposely enjoying before i reach adulthood. Like most adults say nowadays. School life is the best, nothing to worry about. Only the exams though. *haha*
Pretty much true. I wanna admit that school life is great, minus those dramas and those butterfly moments. I know i shouldn't be ranting over this lil stuff. There are more tragedies and miserable things happening out there in the world. I know i should feel happy that i am feeding off good food, i am have a place to stay and i get to wake up the next morning with no fears of war or soldiers intruding my place. I know i should feel content and blessed that i am free from this, but why do i find it so hard to be happy?
It's a great question to ask myself. I do that everyday, my mind will be popping alot of questions asking myself.
"Why are you so mad?" "Why do you hate yourself so much?" "Do you wish to die earlier?" "Why aren't you happy?"
these are the most common questions popping around my head all day and night. Probably the reason why i even have insomia
but the biggest question was,
"Why aren't you putting effort to love yourself more?"
Every now and then i will look back at the past, and i will compare the me now and the me before. Why can't i be like before? A no-nonsence, self-confident girl. I didn't care what people think of me, i did things the way i think was right. People's views wasn't a problem for me at all. Now, i am just some useless dumb-ass bitch ranting everyday. Not putting any effort in changing for the better.
I wonder where can i go? If i keep going on like this. I doubt i will go anywhere. My god-aunt will always ask me,
"How are you to love other people, when you can't even love yourself?" "What happened to your self-confidence?"
It went *POOF* a year ago, when everything went downhill.
Hopefully....things will resolve and i will be able to stand up again, like i always did when i was younger. I need a better role model i guess. Hahah, perhaps the me i the past will be the best one for now. To stand up when i fall. Yeah, that's what i want. It's something new for me to achieve, and i will work hard towards this very improvement. For myself and for my loved ones.
TOWARDS A BETTER FUTURE! <3<3<3
[Max if your reading this and you don't understand a thing. It's ok ^_^;;]
